Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
