Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
