just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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