Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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