Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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