Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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