If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
