If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
