She is in my trunk
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
