the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
