i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
