I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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