you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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