He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
