So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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