Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
