Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize