the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
