she smelled like a LAN party
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
