Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
