Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
