I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
