bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
