my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
