there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
