1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
