Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is Oprah even human
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
