Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
