u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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