Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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