How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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