I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
