Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
