glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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