Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
