sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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