I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
