Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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