How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
