I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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