Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
