he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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