My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
