He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
