Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
