Princesses don't give blow jobs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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