.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
