i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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