I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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