so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
