Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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