who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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