On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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