Apparently you make a good broom.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
