You just made me feel so damn special
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
