I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we're so committed to being not committed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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