I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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