He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.