The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
