I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
