I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Intervention is following me on twitter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.