Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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