I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs