did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.