we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.