is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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