"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
