She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just want to make out with him forever
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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