if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
