i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
