I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was like having sex with a tree stump
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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