me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize