News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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