ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
