i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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