Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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