Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
