See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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