Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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