According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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