I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
