you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
