my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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