mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
