it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
